Musical Play: “10-Minute Mini Play Collection”

The Show

We want you to know what you're getting, so the cast list and first third of the script are available here! Bad Wolf shows are written for flexibility and can be edited however you like to meet the needs of your actors, school, curriculum, parents, astrological chart, latest whim, etc. If you have questions about the portions of the script not shown, please contact us.

Scripts

Jump to:
Conservation: Saving Energy and Water
Geometry: Polygons
Map of the World: Why Pirates Sailed to Kansas
Martin Luther King, Jr.: Overcoming Segregation
Noun and Verb: Grammar Under the Big Top

Conservation: Saving Energy and Water

Characters

NARRATOR #1
NARRATOR #2
NARRATOR #3
MOTHER PIG
PJ PIG
PETUNIA PIG
STRAW CONTRACTOR
WOLF #1
PEGGY PIG
PETER PIG
STICK CONTRACTOR
WOLF #2
PAULO PIG
BRICK CONTRACTOR
WOLF #3

and a CHORUS composed of all students who are not playing roles at the time.

Script

This is the first one-third of the script.

NARRATOR #1: Once upon a time there were three little pigs who lived in a well-insulated home with their mother. It was not a big house, and Mother Pig thought it was time her three children moved out.

NARRATOR #2: After all, they were not that little anymore. In fact, they had all finished college and two of them were married.

NARRATOR #3: So one day Mother Pig had a talk with PJ Pig, the eldest of the three not-so-little pigs.

MOTHER PIG: PJ, I think it’s time you and your wife built your own house.

PJ: Don’t be silly, Mother. I don’t have the slightest idea how to build a house. I majored in Art History. Maybe I could draw you a picture of a house.

MOTHER PIG: I’m not going to argue about this. I expect you to build an environmentally friendly home with a low carbon footprint. Now scoot.

NARRATOR #1: So PJ Pig and his wife Petunia Pig packed some sandwiches and went for a walk until they found themselves on a little hill.

PETUNIA: I think this would be a lovely place to raise a family.

PJ: I wasn’t kidding, Petunia. I can’t build a house. Do you think we can learn to burrow?

PETUNIA: Burrowing is for rodents, PJ. And clams. I will not live like a bivalve. I’ve called a contractor—Simply Straw Structures. Ah, here he is now.

STRAW CONTRACTOR (entering with a wheelbarrow full of straw): If you folks are looking to build a house, I’ve got just the right product.

PJ: Is that straw environmentally friendly?

STRAW CONTRACTOR: Are you kidding? I got this straw from the stable of an old horse who doesn’t have any teeth. Never been touched—you can’t get more natural than that.

PETUNIA: The house has to be energy efficient.

STRAW CONTRACTOR: You planning on keeping the fridge door open a lot?

PJ: No.

STRAW CONTRACTOR: Then you’re good to go.

PJ: That’s it?

STRAW CONTRACTOR: Sure. And keep the water heater and fridge turned down, run the dishwasher only when it’s full, turn off the lights and appliances when you’re not using them, wash your clothes in cool water, plant a few shade trees, and use fluorescent lighting.

PETUNIA: Fluorescent lighting! Did you hear that PJ? I LOVE fluorescent lighting. It uses one quarter the energy of the old incandescent bulbs and last ten times as long. Think of all the carbon dioxide we’ll be reducing.

PJ: Yeah, but those bulbs are so expensive.

PETUNIA: We can save up to $42 in energy and replacement bulb costs each year.

PJ: I don’t know…

Song 1

PETUNIA (sings):

Change is hard
You can take it
Those old lights
Just don’t make it.
It’s time you bid those hundred watts farewell.

Grab that bulb
You can do it
Give a twist
Now unscrew it
And plug in this CFL.

PETUNIA and PJ:

Nothing says I love you like fluorescence
One bulb or ceiling track
I have said good-bye to incandescence
I’ve seen the light, I’m never going back.

This new bulb
Will keep going
Like our love
It’s still glowing
I chose a warm and lovely shade of white

Now it’s light
Now it’s sunny
Save the world
Save some money
Just like us this bulb is bright.

Nothing says I love you like fluorescence
One bulb or ceiling track
I have said good-bye to incandescence
I’ve seen the light, I’m never going back.

NARRATOR #1: So the Straw Contractor built a nice straw house for PJ and Petunia Pig.

NARRATOR #2: They had lived there only a few short weeks when a Wolf strolled up the path towards their home.

NARRATOR #3: Wolves and pigs do not have a completely happy history, so the pigs quickly locked themselves inside their house.

WOLF #1 (knocking on the door): Hey pigs! I’d really like to come in and look at your new straw house. Is this thing eco-friendly?

PJ (shouting through door): You don’t fool us. You want to eat us. We’ve read the stories.

WOLF #1: I am not going to eat you. I was just hoping you were saving as much energy as possible. Have you turned your refrigerator down? Refrigerators use up to twenty percent of household electricity.

PETUNIA: I keep telling PJ that.

WOLF #1: And how about weather stripping? Looks like you’ve got some real weather issues here.

PJ: Of COURSE we have weather issues! The house is made of STRAW.

WOLF #1: Let me come in and see if we can insulate this thing a little better. Are you using renewable resources like sunlight, wind, and water?

PETUNIA (to PJ): The wolf seems like he wants to help.

WOLF#1: Come on, listen to your wife. This house is an environmental nightmare—you need to start over. Little pig, little pig, let me come in!

PJ: Not by the hair on my chinny-chin-chin!

WOLF #1: Then I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house in.

NARRATOR #1: And he did. The wolf huffed and puffed and then the entire house collapsed.

NARRATOR #2: Fortunately the house was made of straw so no one even got a scratch.

(This concludes the first one-third of the script.)

---

Geometry: Polygons

Characters

Storyteller
Isosceles, a Greek hero
Equilateral, Isosceles’ horse
Scalene, the squire of Isosceles
Right Angle
Straight Angle
Acute Angle
Obtuse Angle
Complementary Angle #1
Complementary Angle #2
Parallel Line #1
Parallel Line #2
Pentagon
Hexagon
Octagon
Nonagon
Decagon
Man on the Flying Trapezoid
Square #1
Square #2
Square #3

and a CHORUS composed of all students who are not playing roles on stage at the time.

CHORUS (loudly; whenever the CHORUS speaks, it booms): We are the Chorus. We know everything about geometry. But almost nothing about squirrels. So pay careful attention to our wise words.

STORYTELLER: Isosceles, a Greek hero, rides in on his horse, Equilateral. Scalene the Squire runs in after them, out of breath.

ISOSCELES: We will rest here, my comrades.

EQUILATERAL: Thank goodness. You’ve put on some weight since we left Sparta.

ISOSCELES: All mental muscle, my good steed. I’ve been doing Sudoku as we ride and my brain has no doubt expanded.

EQUILATERAL: That’s an interesting theory. And by “interesting” I mean “insane.”

ISOSCELES (looking around): This is a strange land, isn’t it, Scalene?

SCALENE: Not as strange as a talking horse, sir.

ISOSCELES: Gadzooks, Scalene, you’ve got to adjust. We’ve been traveling for two months and all you can talk about is the horse.

SCALENE: He speaks English! Better than me! It ain’t natural.

ISOSCELES: This is Greek mythology, my fine fellow. And we are on a quest. You must be prepared for the unusual. EQUILATERAL: Speaking of which—some odd-looking natives are approaching. You should inquire as to our location.

SCALENE: See? I ask ya—where’d a horse get that vocabulary? It gives me the willies.

(ANGLES enter)

ISOSCELES (to ANGLES): Greetings. I am Isosceles of Sparta, the famous Greek hero you have perhaps heard about.

RIGHT ANGLE: Nope.

STRAIGHT ANGLE: Who?

ACUTE ANGLE: Sorry.

OBTUSE ANGLE: Huh?

ISOSCELES: This is my squire, Scalene, and my trusty steed, Equilateral.

RIGHT ANGLE: Hey, you guys are all triangles!

STRAIGHT ANGLE: Yeah! You’ve got two equal sides and two congruent angles.

ISOSCELES (outraged): I beg your pardon!

ACUTE ANGLE: And your horse here has three equal sides.

EQUILATERAL: I am a well-balanced stud.

OBTUSE (pointing to SCALENE): But this little fellow is all over the place—nothing looks the same. CHORUS: A scalene triangle has no congruent sides or angles.

SCALENE: Who said that? You got talking trees in this place? Because if you do, I’m outta here.

OBTUSE: Nah, that’s just the rest of the class. They get antsy once in a while and have to shout stuff at us. You’ll get used to it.

ISOSCELES: Enough of this silly triangle talk. We are on a great quest. What is this place?

RIGHT ANGLE: This is Angle Land. I am Right Angle.

SCALENE: Really? Like you’ve never been a wrong angle? RIGHT ANGLE: It means I measure 90 degrees.

SCALENE: Oh. I had a temperature of 110 degrees once. My mother cooked pancakes on my face.

CHORUS: These degrees are a unit of angular measurement.

SCALENE: They’re not going to do that all the way through our quest, are they? It’s getting on my nerves.

STRAIGHT ANGLE: I measure 180 degrees. I am Straight Angle.

ISOSCELES: No offense, but you look like a line.

STRAIGHT ANGLE: I get that all the time.

ACUTE ANGLE: And I am Acute Angle.

SCALENE: Now wait just a minute. You can’t go boasting to everyone that…

EQUILATERAL: Don’t say it, Scalene. An acute angle is less than 90 degrees.

OBTUSE ANGLE: And I’m, uh, well…uh…I’m… don’t tell me…uh…

RIGHT ANGLE: This is our brother, Obtuse.

OBTUSE: Yeah, that’s it. I’m Obtuse. I’m greater than 90 degrees. I rock.

STRAIGHT ANGLE: You know, we Angles have a close relationship with you triangles.

ISOSCELES: I am NOT a triangle. I am Isosceles, a great Greek hero from Sparta! And we are on a quest.

STRAIGHT ANGLE: Not this quest thing again.

ISOSCELES: If you would just listen for a moment I shall…

STORYTELLER: Two Complementary Angles enter, speaking loudly to each other, interrupting Isosceles.

COMPLEMENTARY ANGLE #1 (pointing to ISOSCELES): Well look at THIS handsome hero!

COMPLEMENTARY ANGLE #2: And his horse! Have you ever seen a more magnificent animal?

EQUILATERAL: Who are YOU?

COMPLEMENTARY ANGLE #1: We are complementary angles. We compliment.

CHORUS: Complementary angles are two angles that add up to 90 degrees.

COMPLEMENTARY ANGLE #2: Absolutely. These people are geniuses!

EQUILATERAL: I think you have misunderstood your entire definition. You are comp-LEH-mentary angles, not comp-LIH-mentary.

COMPLEMENTARY ANGLE #1: Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant. (TWO ANGLES start to exit.)

COMPLEMENTARY ANGLE #2: We shall have to tell the Supplementary Angles.

COMPLEMENTARY ANGLE #1: Excellent idea. I must compliment you.

COMPLEMENTARY ANGLE #2: I knew you would.

(THEY exit.)

(This concludes the first one-third of the script.)

---

Map of the World: Why Pirates Sailed to Kansas

Characters

NARRATOR #1
NARRATOR #2
CAPTAIN BLUEBEARD
LEFTY
BARNACLE BOB
SCURVY SCOTT
SHARK TOOTH
GREASY PIT
LE PAIN
DAPPER DENNY
MIKE MAGGOT
MARK MAGGOT
BAMBI
MCKRACKEN
SQUID BROTHER #1
SQUID BROTHER #2

and a CHORUS composed of all students in the class

Script

This is the first one-third of the script.

NARRATOR 1: Long ago, a band of pirates set sail in search of buried treasure.

NARRATOR 2: There were not great pirates. In fact, they were terrible pirates. Their leader, Captain Bluebeard, was a chicken farmer who had inherited a treasure map from an uncle.

NARRATOR 1: Bluebeard was determined to strike it rich. He didn’t have much money, so he couldn’t get a fast ship or a fine crew.

NARRATOR 2: It was a disaster. After several months at sea Bluebeard realized that neither he nor his navigator knew how to read the treasure map—or any map at all! They were completely lost, so lost that they found themselves in Kansas.

CHORUS: This is their story.

CAPTAIN BLUEBEARD: It’s MY story—MY chickens, MY boat, MY story.

CHORUS: This is HIS story, HIS chickens, HIS boat, and HIS inability to read a map.

LEFTY: Captain, where ARE we? I can’t even see the ocean.

BLUEBEARD: It’s this map! I can’t make heads or tails of it.

BARNACLE BOB: You gotta let us help with you that.

SCURVY SCOTT: Yeah. It’s time you trusted the crew—maybe we can figure it out.

BLUEBEARD: I guess you’re right. I’ve only shared this with the navigator, and a lot of good HE did with it.

BARNACLE BOB: Maybe it wasn’t a good sign that his nickname was “Wrong-Way Weston.”

LEFTY: What happened to him, anyway?

SHARK TOOTH: He was staring at the map and turned the wrong direction on the half-deck.

SCURVY SCOTT: Oh! Was that the splash I heard a few weeks ago?

SHARK TOOTH: And the screams.

BARNACLE BOB: Too bad we don’t know how to turn a ship around.

CHORUS: Chicken farming is a noble occupation.

CAPTAIN BLUEBEARD (looking around to find the voices of the chorus): Who are these people? Show yourself!

CHORUS: No, you’ll never find us.

BLUEBEARD: Well, that navigator had one of only three copies of my map. Luckily, I’ve locked the original in my cabin.

LEFTY: Where’s the other one?

BLUEBEARD:I gave it to the cook for safekeeping. Somebody get Greasy Pit.

GREASY PIT (entering): Did I hear my name?

SCURVY SCOTT: Yeah. The captain wants you to bring out the map.

GREASY PIT: That was a map? Are you sure? I put it in last night’s stew.

BARNACLE BOB: I THOUGHT it had a certainly worldly flavor.

BLUEBEARD: You have to stop dumping everything lying around into the stew.
(exits)

SHARK TOOTH: Hey Greasy, you seen my shoes? They didn’t go in the stew, did they?

GREASY PIT: Nah. I put ’em in the biscuits.

BLUEBEARD (entering, unrolling parchment): Okay. Here it is. My treasure map. See? Completely confusing.

CHORUS: You’re holding it upside down.

GREASY PIT: And this arrow here? It points north. Some maps have a compass rose that shows the four cardinal directions.

BLUEBEARD: But this map of the world is all, well, weird looking. Is Canada really that big? You’d think it would be harder to ignore.

LE PAIN (entering, speaking in a bad French accent): Ah, mon captain, you are speaking of ze land zat I love.

BARNACLE BOB: Knock off the phony Québécois, Le Pain. You’re from Vancouver.

LE PAIN: Fine. But it’s true, Captain. Flat maps of the earth have to project the spherical surface of the earth onto the flat surface.

CHORUS: Something always gets distorted.

LE PAIN: Sure…areas, distance, direction, or shape. This map is a Mercator projection—the areas towards to poles are unrealistically huge.

SHARK TOOTH: You a big map fan, Le Pain?

LE PAIN: Oh, oui oui!
(OTHERS give him a dirty look.)
I mean, you bet! Road maps, vegetation maps, topography, climate, political maps—I love ’em all.

GREASY PIT: You’re an odd man, Le Pain.

BLUEBEARD: If you’re such an expert, Le Pain, then what’s this box here on the map?

LE PAIN: That? That’s the key, or the legend.

DAPPER DENNY (rushing in): Did someone say “legend”? I am a legend. A legendary pirate on a legendary voyage to find a legendary treasure.

SHARK TOOTH (mumbles): Not again. I TOLD you not to bring an actor.

LE PAIN: Dapper Denny, I was just pointing out the legend on this map.

DAPPER DENNY: THAT is not a legend. I am a legend! I thought I had made that clear. That is just some little box that shows the scale of the map and the meaning of symbols—roads, boundaries, rivers, railroads, fire imagery in the Tempest.

LEFTY: Fire imagery?

DAPPER DENNY: Sorry. That’s a literary symbol. I get carried away.

LE PAIN: I know. It’s all so exciting, isn’t it?

BLUEBEARD: No it’s not. It’s completely perplexing. I miss my chickens. Chickens are so charmingly transparent.

CHORUS: Chicken are NOT transparent. Opaque, maybe.

BLUEBEARD: And what about all these lines on the map?

LE PAIN: Those are key! Those are longitude and latitude. Imaginary lines that act as a grid. Here’s a line that runs clear around the middle of the earth. It’s called the equator, and all the lines of latitude run around parallel to it.

BLUEBEARD: And what about these lines that run up and down between the poles?

SHARK TOOTH: Careful, Captain. I don’t think you want to ask about longitude.

BARNACLE BOB: Yeah, keep your voice down. Don’t let the Maggot twins hear.

BLUEBEARD: But it’s puzzling. Why is this one vertical line so special that it gets to be called zero degrees? Let’s see, it says here it’s called…
(staring up close at the map)

SCURVY SCOTT: I’m beggin’ you, Captain, don’t say anything more about…

CHORUS: …the Prime Meridian.

MIKE AND MARK MAGGOT (just before the enter): WHO SAID THAT?

CHORUS: Prime Meridian, Prime Meridian, Prime Meridian.

MARK MAGGOT (as THEY storm in): I HATE longitude.

MIKE MAGGOT: It’s so…so…erratic.

LE PAIN: Really, boys, do we have to go into all of this once…

MARK MAGGOT (cutting him off): I mean, at least with latitude each degree is the same distance everywhere, about 70 miles.

MIKE MAGGOT: But does LONGITUDE care about consistency?

MIKE and MARK MAGGOT: NOOOOoooooo!

SHARK TOOTH: Oh boy.

MARK MAGGOT: The meridians converge at the north and south poles, but they’re about 70 miles apart at the equator. It’s not right.

CHORUS: If you squint, it kind of makes sense.

MIKE: And don’t get me started on the 180 degrees west being the same as 180 degrees east thing.

MARK: No, it’s worse than that. Go half way around the world eastward and it’s plus 180 degrees.

MIKE: But go half way around the world westward—to the exact same spot—and it’s MINUS 180 degrees.

MARK: But the worst, most hideous thing of all?

LE PAIN: The captain’s dog?

BLUEBEARD: You leave Da Plank out of this. Say, where IS he? Greasy Pit, did you do something with Da Plank?

GREASY PIT: What? Me? I would never put that dog into a stew. Disgusting.

MARK: The WORST thing of all is the …

MARK and CHORUS: Prime Meridian.

MIKE: Talk about disgusting! Why in the world would they put zero degrees longitude THERE?

Song 1

MAGGOT TWINS:

Just ask the narrator
I love the equator
Everyone here agrees
CHORUS: Uh huh
It’s right in the middle
So there is no riddle
Why it’s zero degrees.
CHORUS: Nuh uh

MAGGOT TWINS and CHORUS:
My attitude
Towards latitude
Is all smiles and grins
But longitude
Is messed up, dude
Look where it begins…
CHORUS: Tra la la la la la
MAGGOTS: Greenwich, England
CHORUS: Tra la la la la la
MAGGOTS: What’s the deal with that?
CHORUS: Tra la la la la la
MAGGOTS: Greenwich, England
MAGGOTS and CHORUS: Don’t know where it’s at.

The options were open
And we both were hopin’
They’d get it right this time
PART of CHORUS: You bet
Now we shout in tandem
Their choice was so random
Greenwich just isn’t prime!
PART of CHORUS: No sir.

My attitude
Towards latitude
Is all smiles and grins
But longitude
Is messed up, dude
Look where it begins…

CHORUS: Tra la la la la la
MAGGOTS: Greenwich, England
CHORUS: Tra la la la la la
MAGGOTS: What’s the deal with that?
CHORUS: Tra la la la la la
MAGGOTS: Greenwich, England
MAGGOTS and CHORUS: Don’t know where it’s at.

(This concludes the first one-third of the script.)

---

Martin Luther King, Jr.: Overcoming Segregation

Characters

This show uses 29 NARRATORS, although the spoken lines can be distributed in whatever way works for your students. The entire Class functions as a CHORUS, which both speaks lines (and parts of lines) and sings two songs. At one point early in the show we recommend that the Class be divided into two separate Choruses that take turns recounting various examples of Jim Crow laws.

Script

NARRATOR #1: Martin Luther King, Jr. was very important in American history. To understand what he did, we need to find out what life was like for black Americans before he became a leader in the Civil Rights movement.

NARRATOR #2: After the Civil War, the northern states tried to change southern society and politics in what was called Reconstruction.

NARRATOR #3: But by the late 1870s, most southern states were once again on their own, and many began passing laws that made it difficult for black citizens to vote and legalized racial segregation.

NARRATOR #4: These laws are called “Jim Crow” laws, and they required “separate but equal” treatment of white and black Americans.

NARRATOR #5: But in reality this segregation was almost never equal.

NARRATOR #6: Here are some typical laws from the Age of Jim Crow. On education:

CHORUS A: Separate schools are required for white and colored children.

CHORUS B: Books shall not be interchangeable between the white and colored schools.

NARRATOR #7: On living and dying:

CHORUS A: All marriages between a white person and a negro are forever prohibited.

CHORUS B: It is unlawful for anyone to rent an apartment to a negro person when the building has white people living there.

CHORUS A: Every hospital will have separate entrances for white and colored patients and visitors.

CHORUS B: At a cemetery, no colored persons may be buried in ground set apart for white persons.

NARRATOR #8: On services:

CHORUS A: No restaurant may serve white and colored people in the same room, unless they are separated by a solid partition, and unless there are separate white and colored entrances.

CHORUS B: All bus and train stations shall have separate waiting rooms and separate ticket windows for the white and colored races.

CHORUS A: Every employer of white or negro males shall provide separate toilet facilities.

NARRATOR #9: On Sports and Recreation:

CHORUS B: It is illegal for a negro and white person to play together at any game of pool or billiards.

CHORUS A: No colored person may visit a park owned by the city for the benefit and enjoyment of white persons.

CHORUS B: Every movie theater or any place of public entertainment shall separate the white race and the colored race.

CHORUS A: No amateur colored baseball team may play baseball in a vacant lot or baseball diamond within two blocks of a playground devoted to the white race.

NARRATOR #10: And there were even Jim Crow laws against trying to change the Jim Crow laws:

CHORUS B: Any person who distributes printed matter suggesting social equality between whites and negroes shall be guilty of a misdemeanor and subject to fine or imprisonment.

Song 1

ENTIRE CLASS (sings):

They wrote it in the rules
You must have separate schools
But separate wasn’t equal, they all knew.

Though playing second base
Has zilch to do with race
Athletics were all segregated too.

When you died it got worse
You went to separate cemeteries in a separate hearse.

Separate but equal
There’s a fatal flaw
Blacks had no equality
Still it was the law.
Separate but equal
So said ol’ Jim Crow
Finally they came to see
It had to go.

And if you had a thirst
Go read the sign there first
There’re separate drinking fountains, don’t you know

Hotels could let you in
Depending on your skin
There’re bathrooms for each race with ol’ Jim Crow.

Traveling ’round was no treat
The trains had separate cars and buses all had separate seats.

Separate but equal
There’s a fatal flaw
Blacks had no equality
Still it was the law.
Separate but equal
So said ol’ Jim Crow
Finally they came to see
It had to go, it had to go, it had to go.

(This concludes the first third of the script.)

---

Noun and Verb: Grammar Under the Big Top

Characters

RINGMASTER
GLENDA THE MAGNIFICENT
ARNOLD (Unicycle Rider)
SARAH (Motorcycle Daredevil)
MEG (Motorcycle Daredevil)
MEDICS (3)
LAUREN
LAWRENCE
TRAVIS (Human Cannonball)
TERESA (Assistant to Human Cannonball)
ALICIA (Tightrope Walker)
ANTON Tightrope Walker)
CLOWNS (3)

and a CHORUS composed of all students in the class

Script

RINGMASTER: Everyone look up high! See that woman standing on a tiny platform? Glenda the Magnificent is one hundred and ninety feet in the air.

CHORUS (pointing to bucket on the ground): What’s with the bucket?

RINGMASTER: I’m delighted you asked. Glenda is going to dive through the air and land in this bucket of water.

GLENDA THE MAGNIFICENT (stunned; shouts): I’m going to…what?

RINGMASTER: You know. Your new big dive: the death-defying dive of doom!

CHORUS: Maybe she didn’t get the memo.

RINGMASTER: Come on! They don’t call you Glenda the Magnificent for nothing.

GLENDA: Sure. Okay. But first…uh…before I dive...let’s all talk about nouns and verbs!

RINGMASTER: What?

CHORUS: Yeah! That’s even better than a doom dive!

RINGMASTER: Now just a minute…

ARNOLD THE UNICYCLE RIDER (interrupting): I love nouns and verbs. Nouns and verbs are probably the two most important parts of our language.

GLENDA: Nouns are people, places, and things. Like, circus, girl, clown, New York, forest, ocean, and happiness.

CHORUS: Quick! Come up with five nouns that start with the letter M! You have ten seconds.

GLENDA: Mark, Maryland, McDonald’s, May, Monday.

ARNOLD: Did you notice something that all those nouns have in common?

CHORUS: They’re all proper nouns?

GLENDA: Is that why they all started with a capital M?

ARNOLD: Yes. Proper nouns name a specific item. Like an Oreo*, not just a cookie. Or Virginia, not just a state. Or Beyoncé, not just a famous singer. And we always capitalize Oreo, Virginia, and Beyoncé no matter where they occur in a sentence.

GLENDA: Hey! I’m starting to get a little dizzy up here.

CHORUS: Think of something else, Glenda! Quick, name five nouns that start with the letter D, and no proper nouns!

GLENDA: Let’s see. Death. Doom. Disaster. Dirge. And drop.

(SARAH and MEG, the MOTORCYCLE DAREDEVILS, race in)

SARAH: “Drop” can be a verb too!

MEG: We’re all about verbs!

(The two start their engines and race their bikes around the ring.)

CHORUS: This is the best circus ever!

SARAH (as SHE and MEG ride around the ring and then up into the bleachers): Verbs are action words.

GLENDA (still on tower): Like “jump, dive, fall, crash, swim,” and “survive!”

MEG: Want to see us ride through the air?

SARAH: These babies can fly!

ARNOLD: This is truly spectacular.

CHORUS: Is “is” a verb?

MEG: Absolutely. Verbs can indicate a state as well.

CHORUS: Like New Hampshire?

SARAH: Like “becoming” and “happening.”

MEG: But those can be so boring!

SARAH and MEG: We like it when verbs do stuff!

(THERE is a giant SPLAT!!)

CHORUS: SPLAAAAAAAAT!

SARAH and MEG: Like that!

RINGMASTER: What was that? Glenda? Glenda!

(THREE MEDICS enter)

MEDIC #1: Does someone need a medic?

MEDIC #2: We were just outside trying to shrink the nose of that big grey animal thing.

MEDIC #3: He’ll be okay…

MEDIC #1: …once the swelling goes down.

RINGMASTER: Are you talking about the elephant? That’s his trunk! It’s supposed to be that big!

MEDIC #2: I told you guys we didn’t need the ice packs.

MEDIC #1: Does that mean we can’t use the super glue?

MEDIC #2 (looking at GLENDA): Hey—what happened to you?

MEDIC #1: Yeah, you’re all green.

GLENDA: I landed in the Jell-o* safety pool. That reminds me, boss—how come we can’t have a safety net like other circuses? This stuff is so sticky.

RINGMASTER: I got a deal.

CHORUS: The Ringmaster has a friend in the fruit-flavored gelatin biz.

MEDIC #3 (to GLENDA): You’ll need to see a medic.

RINGMASTER: You are the medics. Help me take Glenda to her trailer. She has to be ready for tonight’s performance.

(THEY all exit. LAUREN and LAWRENCE rush on.)

LAUREN: Boss! Boss, where are you?

LAWRENCE: Oh man, this is not good. Maybe we shouldn’t tell him.

CHORUS: Tell him what?

LAUREN (startled, looking around): Who are you?

CHORUS (ominously): We are your guilty conscience.

LAUREN: But I don’t have a guilty conscience.

CHORUS: Oh. Then we’re the chorus.

LAWRENCE: We’ve got to tell the boss that the trapeze act is a disaster.

LAUREN: Yeah. The two stars—the one who catches and the one who flies—are fighting.

CHORUS: About what?

LAWRENCE: Everything! They can’t agree on their stunts. Or their afternoon snacks.

LAUREN: Or the color of their tights.

CHORUS: I’ve always been partial to aqua.

LAWRENCE: But these folks just don’t fight—ever!

LAUREN: They even nicknamed each other The Subject and The Verb because they always agree.

CHORUS: Wait a minute. In this 10-minute show about grammar that for some unspecified reason is set in a circus, two characters just happen to be nicknamed The Subject and The Verb?

LAWRENCE: Weird, huh?

LAUREN: Makes you want to sing a little song, doesn’t it!

Song 1

LAUREN and LAWRENCE:

The subject and the verb does not agrees
The subject’s misbehavin’ and the verb do what it please
They once were best of buddies
Matched up on the trapeze
But subject and the verb does not agrees.

The subject and the verb does not agrees
They claims they’s gonna leave each other swinging in the breeze
I think it are contagious
We’ve caught their strange disease
The subject and the verb does not agrees.

Nothing flies
Or seems so wise
As a matching verb and noun
But when they miss
It’s an abyss
And it’s a long way down.

LAUREN, LAWRENCE, and CHORUS:

Nothing flies
Or seems so wise
As a matching verb and noun
But when they miss
It’s an abyss
And it’s a long way down.

The subject and the verb does not agrees
The subject’s misbehavin’ and the verb do what it please
They once were best of buddies
Matched up on the trapeze
But subject and the verb does not agrees.

(This concludes the first one-third of the script.)