Casting:

Flexible casting from 12-40 students.
Use as many Athenians, Messengers, Nereids, etc. as desired;
one student can also play more than one role. Note that roles
are not gender-specific: Theseus and/or the Minotaur can easily
be played by a girl, for example; see our comments on page
39 of the Teacher's Guide.

Read the Script:

This is the first one-third of the script:


CHARACTERS:

Theseus (THEE-see-us), son of Aegeus
Bill (BILL), friend of Theseus
Aegeus (EE-jee-us), King of Athens
Athenians
Athena (uh-THEE-nuh), Goddess of Athens
Messengers from Crete
Minos (MIGH-nus), King of Crete
Poseidon (Poe-SIGHD'n), God of the Sea
Nereids (NIR-ee-ids), Goddesses of the Sea
A Ray (as in fish)
Daedalus (DEDD-l-us), builder of the labyrinth and slave of Minos
Icarus (ICK-er-us), son of Daedalus
Ariadne (ar-ee-AD-nee), daughter of Minos
Maidens, attendants of Ariadne
Minotaur (MINN-uh-tor)
Two Bards (or two small groups), narrators of the story

and a Chorus made up of all students who are not playing
roles at the time.

(The CLASS enters, or is already on stage, forming a semi-circle facing
the audience. The music starts. As it builds, a member of the CHORUS
quickly strides forward to the very front of the stage, facing the audience;
then another CHORUS member moves forward, then another, until there
are THREE standing by themselves in front)

Song 1

THREE:             
Long ago and far away in ancient Greece
The folks just had one name.
Socrates and Sophocles and Sosicles
They start to sound the same.

Someone chased a Gorgon, someone fought at Troy
And one guy roamed the sea
Gotta be a genius just to keep it straight
It all is Greek to me.

CHORUS:                         THREE SINGERS:
Theseus and the Minotaur
                                         It's got a familiar ring
Theseus and the Minotaur
                                         Something 'bout a ball of string?
CHORUS and THREE:
Theseus and the Minotaur
It's no mythological fluff
This one is classic stuff.

CHORUS:                         THREE SINGERS:
Long ago and far away in ancient Greece
                                         La la la
The folks just had one name.
                                         La la la la la la la la
Socrates and Sophocles and Sosicles
                                         La la la
They start to sound the same.
                                         La la la

CHORUS:
Someone chased a Gorgon, someone fought at Troy

THREE SINGERS: Oh yeah he did

CHORUS:

And one guy roamed the sea

THREE SINGERS:
Bee dee dee, bee dee dee, bee dee dee

CHORUS:
Gotta be a genius just to keep it straight

THREE SINGERS:
I wish I could

CHORUS and THREE SINGERS:
It all is Greek to me.

CHORUS:                            THREE SINGERS:
Theseus and the Minotaur
                                            It's got a familiar ring
Theseus and the Minotaur
                                            Something 'bout a ball of string?
CHORUS and THREE:
Theseus and the Minotaur
It's no mythological fluff
This one is classic stuff.

(CHORUS exits or sits down. BARDS enter, carrying large books from
which THEY read with appropriate drama. There can be two BARDS
(A and B), or two small groups of BARDS (groups A and B). The two
different bards or groups of bards wear different colors-e.g. one blue,
the other yellow. If there is more than one bard in a group, the spoken
parts should be distributed among them.)

BARD A:   Ancient Athens was once ruled by good king Aegeus. He
had a son named Theseus, who wanted to become a famous hero.

BARD B: Lo, I see Theseus now with his trusty sidekick, Bill.

BARD A (Looking startled, HE drops formal presentation and addresses
BARD B): Bill? That can't be right. All the rest of the Athenians have long,
complicated names. Erichthonius. Philomela. But "Bill"? Are you sure?

BARD B: Of course I'm sure. What---you think I didn't read the story?
You think I'm making this up as we go along?

BARD A: It wouldn't be the first time. Didn't you once tell how the
Greeks captured Troy by hiding themselves inside a giant wooden weasel?

BARD B: What's wrong with that? I'm an artiste! I will not let tradition
cramp my genius.

BARD A: Your brain has got a cramp. Come on, let's go. Theseus and...
(pause, looks at BARD B with disgust)
... "Bill" are here.

(THEY exit. THESEUS and BILL enter)

BILL: Theseus, you've got to cheer up. Your chance to be a hero
will come.

THESEUS: Like the time you said I could leap tall buildings in a single
bound? I was in the hospital for a month.

BILL: I didn't mean it literally. It was a metaphor.

THESEUS: You're not helping, Bill. A trusty sidekick is supposed to help.
Breaking into this hero business is no piece of cake.

Song 2

THESEUS: :                                       
It's tough to be a hero these days
It's hard to find employment that pays
So few monsters to awaken
All the good ones have been taken
It's tough, it's tough
                                                BILL: Shoo bee doo doo bop
It's tough, it's tough
                                                BILL: Shah la la la
It's tough, it's tough
                                                BILL: Shoo bee doo doo bop
It's tough to be a hero these days.

I want all of Greece to resound with my name
But Hercules gets all the press and the fame.

He's laying waste cities while I waste my prime
While he's killing hydras I'm just killing time.

THESEUS and BILL:
It's tough to be a hero these days
It's hard to find employment that pays
So few monsters to awaken
All the good ones have been taken
It's tough, it's tough
                                                  CHORUS: Shoo bee doo doo bop
It's tough, it's tough
                                                  CHORUS: Shah la la la
THESEUS and BILL:

It's tough, it's tough
                                                  CHORUS: Shoo bee doo doo bop

THESEUS:

It's tough to be a hero these days.

I just missed Medusa
                                                 BILL: He had a sore throat
The Golden Fleece called
                                                 BILL: But he just missed the boat

THESEUS and BILL:

The Sphinx is deriddled and stuck in a zoo
I/He's gotta find something heroic to do.

THESEUS, BILL, and CHORUS:

It's tough, it's tough
Shoo bee doo doo bop
It's tough, it's tough
Shah la la la
It's tough, it's tough
Shoo bee doo doo bop

CHORUS and BILL
(holding out the word "days"):

It's tough to be a hero these days...

                                                  THESEUS:
                                                  I wanna
                                                  I wanna
                                                  I wanna
                                                  I wanna be a hero.

(THEY exit. BARDS enter)

BARD A: So Theseus and Bill tour the countryside looking in vain for
epic adventures. They've completely forgotten that today is the day that
Minos, evil King of Crete, arrives in Athens. Each year Minos comes to
take young Athenians back to Crete to be eaten by the Minotaur.

BARD B (surprised): You're kidding.

BARD A: Well, what did you think was happening each spring when the
finest young Athenians disappeared?

BARD B: You mean they weren't going to Florida for spring training?

BARD A: No! Baseball hasn't been invented yet.

BARD B: Then what's all this talk about a Homer?

(Enter AEGEUS and ATHENIANS)

BARD A: I knew you hadn't read the story.
(to audience)
Now here comes the father of Theseus, the good King Aegeus.

(BARDS exit)

AEGEUS: Come along, Athenians. I'm sorry that you must be handed
over to Minos and his terrible Minotaur.

AN ATHENIAN: But why do we have to go? Can't you just send a box
of chocolates or something?

AEGEUS: Minos demands the children of the most respected citizens of
Athens as victims for the Minotaur.

ANOTHER ATHENIAN: I swear my parents aren't respected. Nobody
even likes them.

ANOTHER ATHENIAN: Me too. Dad cheats on his taxes. I don't qualify.

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