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Gamma
Captain Alpha
Delta
Gamma
Scouts from Southwest
Scouts from New England
Game Show Host
Stephanie
Michael
Omega
Scouts from Pacific Coast
Scouts from Mid-Atlantic
Scouts from Great Lakes
Scouts from Rocky Mountains
Kappa Lambda Mu
Scouts from Appalachian Highlands
Scouts from Southeast
Valley Girl Aliens
and a Chorus made up of all students who are not playing
roles at the time.

We are friendly aliens Song 1
We come from outer space
We’re looking for a brand new home
The

U.S.

is the place.

We are lovely aliens
We’d like to relocate
We’re searching this whole continent
We’re scouring every state.

U.S.

Geography
Wondrous topography
From Atlantic to Pacific
All the views are quite terrific
From Everglades to Bering Sea
There’s just so much variety

U.S.

Geography, U.S. Geography
It's great with me.

We are clever aliens
We’ve done our homework well
We sent out scouts to every state
And had them stay a spell.

Today’s the day we’ve waited for
When those reports are due
The scouts will tell us what they’ve found
And you can find out too.

U.S.

Geography
Wondrous topography
To the Great Lakes we’ve been going
We’ve been Gulf of Mexicoing
There’s rivers, deserts, plains to see

ONE ALIEN (shouts): And purple mountains’ majesty

GAMMA: This is so exciting, Captain Alpha. The day we’ve been waiting for. Ever since our home planet was designated an interstellar toxic waste dump, we’ve been searching for a new place to live.

ALPHA: Yes, Gamma, we were lucky to stumble upon the earth—and this little land called the

United States

. Have our scouts visited all the geographical sections of the country?

GAMMA: Yes, sir. Today we beam them back up here to the ship to find out where’s the best place to settle.

ALPHA: Now where’s Lieutenant Delta? He was due back nanoseconds ago.
(shouting)
Delta, where are you?

DELTA (entering; he speaks in a military manner, although he is dressed as a matador): Lieutenant Delta back from earth as requested, Captain.

ALPHA: What on earth are you wearing?

DELTA: I’m disguised as a bull-fighter, sir.

ALPHA: A bull-fighter? I told you to dress as a FIRE fighter.

DELTA: You did?

ALPHA: Yes! They don’t have bull-fighters in the

United States

.

DELTA: Does this mean I don’t get to keep the tail?

DELTA: Here they are, sir. Just back from the Southwestern section of the country.

(ALIENS from the Southwestern states enter. THEY are on crutches, arms bandaged, etc. They’re dirty and their clothes are torn.)

SOUTHWEST #1: For example, sir, there’s this big river, the Colorado, and it runs through the biggest canyon you ever saw.

It’s one mile deep Song 2
And eighteen wide
I thought I’d leap
From side to side.
It’s farther though
Than I had guessed
Yeah it’s all big in the big southwest.
It’s all big in the big southwest.

The desert’s hot
The mountains steep
The Rio’s Grande
The oil is deep.
It shoots out hard
I can attest
Yeah it’s all big in the big southwest.
It’s all big in the big southwest.

Everything’s huge in Texas
Anyone can tell you that
But it’s true for Arizona
And also Oklahoma
New Mexico—the same thing goes.

ENTIRE CLASS:
The cattle grow
Like they’re possessed
Don’t let them sit
Upon your chest.
That really hurts
I need a rest
Yeah it’s all big in the big southwest.
It’s all big in the big southwest.
It’s all big in the big southwest.

You looking for New England? Song 3
Just hold a map real tight
Now find the northeast corner
That’s up and to the right.

Yeah all six states are tiny
So cuddly and so cute
But there’s one thing about them
That I must now refute.

New England’s old
New England’s old
The pilgrim’s stopped at Plymouth Rock
Though it tries hard for avant guarde we’re told
Oh ho New England’s old.

ENTIRE CLASS:
There’s White and there’s Green mountains
The shores of Lake Champlain
Cape Cod and all those islands
A terminal moraine!

You travel ’round New England
By land or air or cruise
No matter where you’re stepping
You’ll get history on your shoes.

New England’s old
New England’s old
The pilgrim’s stopped at Plymouth Rock
Though it tries hard for avant guarde we’re told
Oh ho New England’s old.

Yeah I trust Massachusetts
The presidential state
Connecticut is honest
Vermont and Maine play straight.

But still I have to warn you
Not everything is true
Rhode Island’s not an island
New Hampshire’s not so new.

New England’s old
New England’s old
The pilgrim’s stopped at Plymouth Rock
Though it tries hard for avant guarde we’re told
Oh ho New England’s old
Oh ho New England’s old
Oh ho New England’s old.

DELTA: No, sir. He was climbing Mt. Rushmore and got his foot caught in Teddy Roosevelt’s mustache.

DELTA: Negative, Captain. We sent in a rescue team, but they seem to have gotten lost in Lincoln’s nose.

DELTA: It’s taken care of, sir. Our scout sent this holographic replay of his favorite game show.

HOST: Good evening, everybody, and welcome to “Name That State capital!” Now let’s meet tonight’s contestants.

(reading from card)
Contestant number one is Stephanie Nathan. Stephanie’s an accountant whose hobbies include needlepoint and sitting on her cat.

HOST (reads from card): Contestant number two is Michael Stuffner, a computer programmer who enjoys miniature golf and eating cereal until he feels like he’s going to explode.

HOST (reading): And contestant number three is, um, Omega 239. That’s an unusual name, Omega. It says here you collect “intergalactic glipfarbs.”

HOST: Great. Today’s category is “states of the heartland.” And here’s our first toss-up: what is the capital of North Dakota?

HOST: That’s right, Bismark, North Dakota. Now here’s your bonus question: What’s the capital of Minnesota?

HOST: That’s absolutely right! St. Paul, Minnesota. That’s 15 points. And now here’s your next toss-up: What is the capital Nebraska?

HOST: No, no, I’m not sure you understand the category. This is state capitals of the heartland. The Great Plains. You know, rolling prairies. Corn. Wheat. Cattle. You see?

HOST: Yes, that’s correct. And here’s your bonus question: what is the capital of Iowa?

HOST: Wait! It’s not your turn, Omega. Please. Michael, do YOU have an answer?

(looks at OMEGA)
And remember—we’re looking for a state capital in the Heartland. Dairy products. The great Mississippi and Missouri Rivers. Ready? Okay: what is the capital of Kansas?

HOST: Really? He did? I must have missed that. Okay, Mr. Omega, what IS the capital of Kansas? Kansas. The state. Geographical center of the

U.S.

On earth.

HOST: No! No no no no no! It’s Topeka! Topeka, Kansas. Not The Red Dwarf of Gamelon 5. And it’s not the Black Hole of Missouri, or the White Giant of South Dakota either.

HOST (to the audience): And thank goodness, that’s all the time we have for today.

ALPHA: Cool? Why doesn’t he just wear a sign on his back saying “I am an alien from outer space—kick me!”?

DUDE: It’s way excellent—a huge variety of landscapes and weather patterns. Something for everyone. But there’s one thing that links it all together.

It rains ev’ry year near Seattle Song 4
Some two hundred inches or more
But for those keeping tally
Way down south in death valley
The temp has reached one thirty four.

To hear the same samples with Windows Media Player, click on "Windows Media" near the name of the song. Please note that internet song samples have very low fidelity and rest assured that the CDs we sell sound much better. Problems hearing the music? Visit our Audio Help page.

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Teacher Reviews:

"Tremendous response!! I've done four other plays, but I wanted to try this new one, and I've already received more positive response from the teachers and students than ever before! One first grade teacher said her kids were excited when they heard a state mentioned that they had a connection to: "Hey...Colorado is where my Grandma lives!" Another 5th grade teacher thought it was an excellent curriculum match for 5th grade. (It is!) Most of all (as always), my kids really got into it, and made it THEIRS, adding their own special flavor in performing it! I can't wait to hear the parents' responses tonight...I'll have to update you on that later! Thanks!"
---Cathy Faust, (5th grade) Cram Elementary, Highland, CA

"My homeroom students begged to sing 'U.S. Geography' every social studies class. The kids took over and loved the show, as did the parents and other 5th grade classes. After our performance, I gave my class and another teacher's class a test on capital. My class did significantly better, with no one missing more than five capitals."
---Jean Boatman (5th grade) Four Peaks Elementary, Fountain Hills, AZ

"I almost chickened out---glad I didn't. Keep doing what you're doing. The kids love it, most parents pick up on the humor and enjoy the play and watching their kids."
Karen Rosholt, (4th/5th grades) Sierra School, Placerville, CA

"Love it! This has been so much fun watching the music bring energy into the classroom."
---Patti Ewold, (5th grade) Peavine Elementary, Reno, NV

"Rehearsals are going very well. I hardly have to do anything but manage---the kids have the creative ideas for choreography, props, etc. They are very enthusiastic. Connects so perfectly to our social studies unit. I love the humor and laid back attitude! The kids enjoyed looking up and learning the vocabulary."
Nancy Fitzgerald, (4th grade) Media Elementary, Media, PA

To submit your own review, just e-mail it to ron@badwolfpress.com Be sure to include your school name and what grade you teach.

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Two of You are Planning to
Put the Play on Together??

If you ask us, we always suggest having just one class put on a play. We think each kid is more involved, and we think it's easier for you to deal with a smaller number of students.

But lots of teachers disagree with us. They've been happily doing the plays together for years.

In fact, Amy Anderson, the teacher who does four musicals a year (and she talks about this on our home page) thinks two classes together is the way to go.

Then what do I need to purchase? Think of a musical play like a library book. Only one teacher may "check out" (i.e. put on) the play at a time. If another teacher wants to produce the music play that you purchased in a separate production and at a later date, you may loan out your original plan and student copies.

Your "library" needs two copies of the play for two teachers to put on the play at the same time. If a teacher wants her class to put on the play with your class, she needs to buy her own copy of the play. For three or more teachers to produce a play together, purchase three copies for your "library" and Bad Wolf extends a Site License for all the teachers and classes at your school.

But why can't I just make extra copies of the play? If copies are made for a class other than the purchasing teacher's, it's an infringement of U.S. copyright law. Yikes! Bad Wolf likes to toe the line where Uncle Sam is concerned, so we offer a discount on the purchase of multiple copies of the play.

If you are 2 teachers putting on the play together...................................$60
* Includes 2 copies of the book and CD (save almost $20 off of buying
them separately) so each of you has a CD and book to work with.

* Free bonus: We'll throw in our famed "Earthworms on Parade" CD. Y'know, that's the one with the six goofiest songs about earthworms ever written
($9.95 value.)

* Includes the right to reproduce the script for the students in both of
your individual classes.

Questions? Call or email Ron Fink at (888) 827-8661 or ron@badwolfpress.com
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U.S. Geography

An Extraterrestrial Safari through States, Capitals, and Natural Features

Teacher Reviews: