RAPUNZEL:   Hello. I'm Rapunzel. From the fairy tale.

CINDERELLA:  And I'm Cinderella.

HUMPTY DUMPTY:  And I'm Humpty Dumpty. We're delighted
you're here for our meeting of the Fairy Tale Advice Council.

RAPUNZEL:  Today's meeting is special because this is the
very first time Cinderella and Humpty have been on the Council.

HUMPTY:  It's so exciting. We get to give advice to fairy
tale characters who find themselves in a bind.

RAPUNZEL:  Even us fairy tale folk don't always know
what's best to say or do in tough situations.

CINDERELLA:  Like when it was midnight at the ball and my
carriage turned back into a yam.

HUMPTY:  A yam? I thought it was a pumpkin.

CINDERELLA:  No, it was a yam. I should know, I was sitting
on it. It took those mice FOREVER to drag me home.

RAPUNZEL:  But it all had a happy ending, which is what we
like to see.  Humpty, what's our first case today?

HUMPTY (looking at a list):  Ooh, looks like trouble
between old friends. It's Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.

      (SNOW WHITE and TWO DWARVES appear)

RAPUNZEL:  Welcome.

CINDERELLA:  Hey, I only see two dwarves. Aren't you short
a few dwarves?

DWARF #1:  Is that some sort of comment?

CINDERELLA:  Oh no, I'm sorry. I just thought there were
seven of you.

DWARF #2:  It's the recession---we've been downsized.

       (CINDERELLA starts to say something, but RAPUNZEL
       cuts her off)

RAPUNZEL (to CINDERELLA):  Don't even go there.
      (TO the newcomers)
Now, what seems to be the problem?

SNOW WHITE:  My friends are very upset with me, and it's
so, well, upsetting.

DWARF #1:  Of course we're upset! After all we did for you.

DWARF #2 (to Council):  And she never even stopped to thank
us. Just rode off into the sunset with her prince without a word of
gratitude.

Song 2

DWARVES:
We never faltered                     
We never shirked
We even whistled
While we worked.

But did she thank us
As she now claims?
She never never ever really knew our names.

SNOW WHITE:
That's not true
One was Lumpy
Maybe not
Was it Stumpy?
Was it Bob or Billy...oh poor me!

DWARVES:
See?!

CHORUS:
Gratitude
Gratitude
It's the proper attitude
Take time and don't be rude
It's the proper attitude
Be thankful, show some gratitude.

DWARF #1(spoken):  And what about when she ate the poisoned
apple!

DWARVES:
We did the Heimlich
And CPR
And when she woke up
SHE's the star!

She got Prince Charming
She got the fame
She never never ever really knew our names.

SNOW WHITE:
That's not true
One was Lumpy
Maybe not
Was it Stumpy?
Was it Bob or Billy...oh poor me!

DWARVES:
See?!

DWARVES and CHORUS:
Gratitude
Gratitude
It's the proper attitude
Take time and don't be rude
Its the proper attitude
Be thankful, show some gratitude.
Be thankful, show some gratitude.

RAPUNZEL:  Snow White...do you have something you'd like
to say to your friends?

SNOW WHITE (to DWARVES):  I'm terribly sorry. You were so
kind and helpful. I just got caught up in that fairy-tale ending and forgot.
Thank you. Thank all of you very much.

DWARF #1:  Oh, that's okay.

DWARF #2:  And our names ARE kind of hard to remember.

(THEY hug)

HUMPTY:  That's so nice to see. It's always good to be
thankful. You know, I can never remember the names of all
seven dwarves myself. What are they?

DWARF #1:  Sorry, we can't say them aloud.

DWARF #2:  They're copyrighted.  Every time we call each
other we owe Disney 10 bucks.

       (DWARFS and SNOW WHITE EXIT)

RAPUNZEL:  Well, that worked out nicely.  Humpty, who's next?

HUMPTY (looking at list):  Our next appointment is with...

      (HUMPTY is interrupted by the loud entrance of THREE
     BILLY GOATS GRUFF and TROLL)

BILLY GOAT GRUFF #1:  This has GOT to stop. I can't take
it anymore.

TROLL:  But I've changed my ways.

BILLY GOAT GRUFF #2:  Oh sure. The last time you told me
that you tried to EAT me.

TROLL:  It was just a nibble.

BILLY GOAT GRUFF #3:  All that was sticking out of your
mouth was a foot.

TROLL:  Okay, it was a BIG nibble. But I don't DO that
kind of thing anymore.

HUMPTY:  Wait a minute, wait a minute. Who ARE you?

BILLY GOATS GRUFF:  We're the Billy Goats Gruff.

BILLY GOAT GRUFF #1:  And this is a Troll.

HUMPTY:  I'm sorry, but you're not on the list. You'll
have to wait.

BILLY GOAT GRUFF #2:  But we CAN'T wait! He's gonna
EAT us!

CINDERELLA:  Is that true?

TROLL:  NO! I want to be their friend.

BILLY GOAT GRUFF #3:  Every time we get to his bridge, he
tries to swallow us.

TROLL:  That was before! I USED to be a big bully. I
thought it was cool eating people on the bridge. But it WASNąT
cool. I know that now. Being a  bully is never cool.

Song 3

TROLL:
Yeah I'm a troll it's true                           
I guard a bridge or two
I eat folks like you if you attempt to pass

I'm tired of this work
'Cause all I do is lurk
When tales need a jerk that's how I am cast.

TROLL and CHORUS:
But I don't want to be a bully anymore
I don't wanna be the villain I have been before
I will be an ogre folks adore
I don't want to be a bully anymore.

TROLL:
Yeah when it's said and done
We bullies have no fun
Always on the run, nobody cares for me

I wanna walk the street
With friends that I don't eat
Billy goats I meet I'll invite to tea.

TROLL, GOATS, and CHORUS (TROLL
and GOATS put arms around each other):

But I don't want to be a bully anymore
I don't wanna be the villain I have been before
I will be an ogre folks adore
I don't want to be a bully anymore.
I don't want to be a bully anymore.

       (ALL exit. LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD enters holding an
       envelope.)

LITTLE RED: 

Hi there. I'm Little Red Riding Hood, and this is the part
of the meeting where I introduce this month's winner of the
Good Manners award. You may remember what a polite child I
am. When I saw the wolf in my grandmother's bed, I said things
like "Grandmother, what big eyes you have." And,  "Grandmother,
what big teeth you have." But I was just being polite. What I
was thinking was, "Grandmother, what happened to you? Were
you in some horrible accident?" My politeness paid off, though,
giving the Hunter time to save all of us. And now, this month's
Good Manners award goes to...
       (SHE opens envelope)
The Princess from The Princess and the Pea.

       (CHORUS applauds. PRINCESS, KING, and QUEEN enter.
       LITTLE RED exits.)

PRINCESS:  Thank you, thank you. I'm so honored. I'd like
to thank my agent for getting me the gig, and especially the King and Queen
here for deciding to test me.

KING:  It was our pleasure.
      (to audience)
We had to make sure she was a very polite princess if she
was to marry our son.

QUEEN:  So we came up with a whole slew of tests to see how
she would respond. The pea under the mattress was just one small part
of the evening's examination.

(This concludes the first one- third of the script.)

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